Tuesday, January 26, 2010

How silly am I......How great is my God???

Had a potential road block to my "Sierra Leone or But" adventure this week. A few days ago I found out that there was an opportunity for me to go to Haiti to participate in some work that is being done down there. Although I was super excited about the possibility I was also nervous because the timing of the trip would mean that I would be in Haiti for 2 weeks, come back for a couple days and head to Sierra Leone for a couple weeks. I wasn't sure if I could handle that financially, physically or emotionally. I decided that I would trust that God knew what I could handle better than I did and so forged ahead.

Several hours later I found out that the plane was filled and they didn't need me. While I was a little disappointed, the emotion I experienced primarily was JOY!!! Jesus knows me SO well! He knew what I could handle. He knows what's best for me! He closed that door so firmly that I just had to say...welp, not His plan for me now. I just loved resting in that knowledge!!

Fast forward a couple days and....I haven't worked. I work on an "as needed" basis for a hospital system and last week they did not need me. I worked 12 hours. This week I haven't worked at all.

I start worrying.

How am I going to pay my bills?

How am I going to pay off my loans and move to Africa by August?

What if they never need me again and I can't find another job and I end up moving in with my parents but my parents' business fails and so we have to try and sell the house but we can't so the bank takes it and we are homeless and we have to move into a shelter or pitch my dad's army tent and move from park to park to avoid being caught by the cops and then it's so cold outside that we catch pneumonia but can't go to the hospital because we had to sell our car on Ebay and it's too hard to walk (what with pneumonia and all) so we all die...in our tent...DOWN BY THE RIVER (name that SNL skit).

And THEN how am I going to move to Africa by August?????

You can see why my post is labeled "how silly am I?" Not 2 days ago I was in utterly delighted by the way God took care of me and closed doors as He saw fit. Now I'm starting to feel a little bit of pressure and freak out, questioning everything and being my oh so dramatic self. Sheesh.

I know that He is going to take care of me. I know that I'll get to Africa when He decides it's time for me to go. I'm thankful that I can know that when I see Him clearly working AND when I just don't see it at all. He's still the same God. And He's still working. How great is He?? I think that's a pretty important lesson for me to learn as I prepare to trapse off to the middle of nowhere. Unfortunately I know myself well enough that He'll probably have to teach me again. Thanks for your patience Jesus!!

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