I wrote this blog several days ago but I've delayed in posting it. This is partly due to my contemplation over the events that occurred as well as....well, it's humbling. Bordering on humiliating. But here goes. Be gentle.
Yesterday Marie and I were doing our homeschooling and she became utterly frustrated by….something. I don’t even remember what it was right now. She was in tears and at one point stomped her foot, and threw herself back in her chair because it was Just. So. Hard!!! We took a little time out and talked about hard things. We talked about rejoicing always and being thankful for things that are hard. We talked about pressing on, not giving up when things are hard. And we talked about how important our attitudes are, especially when things are hard. We prayed and thanked Jesus for hard things and asked that he would help Marie to have a good attitude, even when things are hard and that Jesus would give her a “happy heart.” About 15 min. later Marie looked up and said, “Hey!!! Look how happy I am now! Jesus changed my heart!!”
Today I literally banged my head against our white board during homeschooling. Literally.
There, I admitted it.
I did it.
I'm not proud of it.
It was a new homeschooling low. Maybe a new life low.
It all happened because I was at my WITS END about how to explain which number is “greatest.” We’ve been working on it for weeks. We've played games, used the white board, used animals, beans, dice, etc. I gave up. And to make it worse, Marie didn’t seem to really CARE about knowing which one was greatest. She was more concerned about the owie on her foot, where the dog was, what was for lunch, and about 50 other things that had nothing to do with understanding that 34 is greater than 26.
Well, shortly after the head banging incident (which still caught her off guard, even though she’s somewhat used to her Mama’s dramatics), Marie quietly looked up and said,
“Mama, are you frustrated?”
“Yes Sweetie, I am. I’m having a hard time teaching you this.”
“Do you want me to pray for you that you won’t be frustrated and that God will give you a happy heart?”
So Marie prayed and then I prayed and thanked God for this “hard thing” that for me, is homeschooling. In that moment I realized that this was the same thing that I had prayed for countless times while I was working at the hospital. Thanking God for the “hard thing” of fighting what seemed to be a never ending uphill battle to save little kids’ lives.
My life is different than it once was. Instead of spending my days trying to beat back the sting of death that seemed to hover over every bed in the hospital, I spend my days making sure my hubby and kiddos have clean clothes and nutritious meals and poop…..I seem to clean up a lot of poop. (Not my hubby’s poop…..the smallest child and our new puppy). The “hard” is different. I send Peter out into the world and I stay home to keep the “home fires burning.” It’s a new kind of hard for me. But my daughter reminded me yesterday that the calling is the same. To rejoice. Always. For everything. Even puppy poop. Homeschooling is a "small, hard." I've had "bigger hards." Those are even harder to rejoice in. One day maybe I'll have the "biggest hard." But my prayer is that I will learn to say "thank you" in the "small, hards" so I will be ready when the "bigger hards" come.
|Yes the dog is wearing clothes. That is my daughter. With her daughter. :)|