How silly am I......How great is my God???

Had a potential road block to my "Sierra Leone or But" adventure this week. A few days ago I found out that there was an opportunity for me to go to Haiti to participate in some work that is being done down there. Although I was super excited about the possibility I was also nervous because the timing of the trip would mean that I would be in Haiti for 2 weeks, come back for a couple days and head to Sierra Leone for a couple weeks. I wasn't sure if I could handle that financially, physically or emotionally. I decided that I would trust that God knew what I could handle better than I did and so forged ahead.

Several hours later I found out that the plane was filled and they didn't need me. While I was a little disappointed, the emotion I experienced primarily was JOY!!! Jesus knows me SO well! He knew what I could handle. He knows what's best for me! He closed that door so firmly that I just had to say...welp, not His plan for me now. I just loved resting in that knowledge!!

Fast forward a couple days and....I haven't worked. I work on an "as needed" basis for a hospital system and last week they did not need me. I worked 12 hours. This week I haven't worked at all.

I start worrying.

How am I going to pay my bills?

How am I going to pay off my loans and move to Africa by August?

What if they never need me again and I can't find another job and I end up moving in with my parents but my parents' business fails and so we have to try and sell the house but we can't so the bank takes it and we are homeless and we have to move into a shelter or pitch my dad's army tent and move from park to park to avoid being caught by the cops and then it's so cold outside that we catch pneumonia but can't go to the hospital because we had to sell our car on Ebay and it's too hard to walk (what with pneumonia and all) so we all die...in our tent...DOWN BY THE RIVER (name that SNL skit).

And THEN how am I going to move to Africa by August?????

You can see why my post is labeled "how silly am I?" Not 2 days ago I was in utterly delighted by the way God took care of me and closed doors as He saw fit. Now I'm starting to feel a little bit of pressure and freak out, questioning everything and being my oh so dramatic self. Sheesh.

I know that He is going to take care of me. I know that I'll get to Africa when He decides it's time for me to go. I'm thankful that I can know that when I see Him clearly working AND when I just don't see it at all. He's still the same God. And He's still working. How great is He?? I think that's a pretty important lesson for me to learn as I prepare to trapse off to the middle of nowhere. Unfortunately I know myself well enough that He'll probably have to teach me again. Thanks for your patience Jesus!!

Let the adventure begin!

I can't believe the time has come....but here it is. Several months ago I took up the new hobby of "blog reader." My friends have mocked me because of the ways I feel so intimately connected with people I've never met but.....that's the glory of the internet eh? Anyway, I decided that once I officially and actively started pursing my move to Sierra Leone, I would post pieces of my adventure on a blog for all to read (fully understanding that by "all to read" it will primarily be for my family....and by "family".......mostly my mom. :) I'm a little nervous about doing this because my social filter is not always up to par and from the safety of my computer in my bedroom well.....who knows what I may say! I apologize in advance! (I also work night shift so will attempt to keep from posting after work as I've found that sleep deprivation also tends to clog my social filter).

So! Checklist for moving to Sierra Leone:
Become a nurse- check
Decide to become a nurse practitioner- check
Move to Seattle to become a nurse practitioner- check
Move back home from Seattle to study for my boards and work
Take my boards and actually become certified- check
(I put lots of small details on my checklist because the Lord began calling me to serve him overseas when I was in high school.....and I'm about to have my 10 year reunion! If I only put "become a nurse" and "become a nurse practitioner" I would have to think.....what the heck have I been doing this whole time? More "checks" make me feel more accomplished! But I digress.....

The biggest hurdle I'm facing now is getting my darn school loans paid off and raising the support I need to live over there. Jesus has blessed me so much with a great job that I am hoping to get my loans paid off by August. So there it is.....the TARGET MOVE DATE.

AUGUST.......2010. Can it be done? That's yet to be seen. I set a goal date that seemed feasible so that I would have some motivation. You see, while I love being a nurse...I'm not what you might call a "work-a-holic." There are so many other fun things to do that as long as my bills are paid ....why work? But if I set a goal...now I'm in "move to Sierra Leone" mode. And that means I'm in "work mode." I could be a real drifter if I didn't set goals.

So my goal is to pay off approximately $28,000 by August of next year. I have worked out a budget for Sierra Leone and I will need $4500 in monthly support. I will also need to raise a considerable amount of "one time gifts" to have in reserve. Yikes. Sheesh. and Yikes again. I asked my roommates today....how the heck am I going to come up with that??? They said...pray. Oh yeah....why didn't I think of that? That's why I'm posting my progress here. I can get stressed out about whether or not I'll be able to work enough to pay off my loans, etc. but really, this is God's deal. (I just got a huge sense of relief even writing that!) I really think that He is the One leading me to Sierra Leone and if I'm misreading some signals or direction, this is an awesome way for Him to close that door! Man....so cool! So now we get to see!!! What will happen??? What will God do? Hmmm....exciting to see. I'll keep you posted......Mom. :)