Heavy Heart Today.....

I got on today to write a blog about a soccer game that Peter and I just went to.  I couldn’t do it. My heart was too heavy and my mind racing with all that I’ve been seeing on the news lately.  Abortion.  It’s everywhere.  Honestly, I have no new insights. I feel like everything’s been said. Over and over.  I only have my own thoughts that have been turning in my mind.  For the past several days my thoughts have turned to “where do I fit in this discussion?  Where am I culpable?” 

I don’t know what to say. I don’t know how best to “speak out.”  I have many friends that have had abortions and, whether or not they have any remorse, I hate the thought of pouring salt in any wounds.  I think about Jesus and His Grace and how much he passionately loves these women and I don’t want my words to hurt.  But then I think about the babies.  I think about Jesus and His Grace and how much he passionately loves these little ones that He knit together in their mother’s womb….and I don’t want to remain silent on their behalf.

I started thinking about standing before God one day.  I started thinking about questions that He might ask.  “Emily. This was going on.  The thousands of babies that were being killed every year….what did you do?”  And other questions that I might be asked started coming into my mind. 

My answers weren’t pretty.

Emily when you were in high-school and a girl got pregnant….what did your church community do?  What did YOU do?  If a girl in your youth group got pregnant and decided not to have an abortion, how would she have felt? Would she have felt loved and supported or would she have felt judged and rejected?  Oh GOD I know my answer!!  I’m sitting here with tears streaming down my face with the weight of my conviction.  The ugliness of my self-righteousness and judgmental heart.  Should the “easier” choice be abortion because the thought of walking through the doors of a church and seeing the stares…is too much to bear?

I say this about myself.  I know countless people in our churches who are reaching out to these girls, these women. I have friends who are babysitting their babies while they go to school, collecting baby supplies. They’ve spent their weekends and summers creating fun experiences for foster children.  Some have taken these kids into their homes and some have adopted.  There are people that are doing things!! 

But it seems like we, as a church, should be doing more.  Yes.  People need to know the truth.  They need to know that the “clump of cells” in fact has a heartbeat and a brain and all the other aspects that make a person a “person.”  He needs time and nourishment….just like my little premie boy needed when he was born too early.  He needed time and food to help him grow.  He just did it in the hospital instead of inside my womb. 

But the Truth doesn’t end with what abortion is.  The Truth of God’s Grace should change everything.  His Grace calls us to live radically!!  To spend our lives for the lives of others.  Honestly, I’m not really sure what my point is here.  I guess it’s just that choosing life is hard!!  Pregnancy is hard.  Giving up a baby for adoption is hard.  Being a single mom is hard.  It will always be the harder option.  But that doesn’t mean that it isn’t right.  And as the Church we are called….I am called to come alongside these women and love them radically….the way that He does.  Lord, thank you for your Grace which covers MY multitude of sins.  May it be my great motivator to love and care for the ones that you so passionately love.  Inside and outside of the womb.