Heartbreaker.....

I’ve seen Kadiatu three times now since I dropped her off at her village.  I was a little nervous about seeing her the first time, having NO idea how she would react. I remembered the first time we went to see her family in the village after I’d started keeping her and she was screaming and crying for them.  But since she hadn’t seemed to mind me leaving when I dropped her off, I was hopeful that we would just get to have a good time and that would be that.  Well….it was awful.  She was a little shy at first but warmed up quickly and was just laughing and snuggling.  My roommate and I stayed there for a half hour or so and then I went to leave.  As I passed her off to her relatives she started screaming.  Not just crying, screaming….”EMILY!!!!  EMILY!!!! EMILY!!!! EMILY!!!!”  As I drove away, I wondered if my heart could be shattered into any more pieces. 

I decided that I did NOT want to do that again.  I would wait a LOT longer before I went and visited so that she would be used to her family again.  I didn’t want to put her, her mom, or myself through that again anytime soon.  Unfortunately, about a week later I had to travel to Freetown and therefore  pass right through her village.  It would be rude for me not to stop. I was dreading it.  When I stopped, they told me that she’d gone to the farm with her mom and started to send someone to get her. NO!!  That’s ok! We just stopped to greet.  See you next time! Saved!

I spent almost a week in Freetown and when I came back up I knew I would need to stop again.  When I stopped, she ran up to greet me and again, we were laughing and playing.  After a little while it was time to go but this time when I went to leave she just said goodbye and was fine.  THANK. YOU. LORD!!  This kind of goodbye I think we can both handle.  She’s adjusted.

Two days ago I got a call from her family that she was sick so yesterday I went to the village to check it out.  When I got there she was laughing and playing, glad to see my roommate and I.  She didn’t look sick.  I’m always a little afraid of being manipulated so I was leery but wanted to get her checked out at the hospital anyway.  She gladly came along and was just laughing all the way to the hospital (she loves riding in the car).

When we got to the hospital, although she was happy, it quickly became apparent that she wasn’t well. She was really clingy and just not her normal self. Sure enough. Darn malaria.  I got her medicine and then took her up to the house for awhile. I figured I’d take advantage of the opportunity to spend some time with her without 30 people standing and staring at us. 

As soon as we got to the house she walked in, looked around the living room and then went looking in our bedroom.  Yup….everything’s still the same.  We ate some lunch and played and then she started getting really fussy. Nap time for sure. Since I’d worked the night before I was really tired too so we went in my room to take a nap together. She did what she used to do when I’d put her down for sleep which was wrap her arms and her legs around me with her face touching mine until she fell asleep.  Melt. My. Heart. 

She asked to watch "Akoona Tata" which means the 10 min of the movie where they sing the song.  She loves to dance to it :)

When she woke up we went to go greet my neighbors who love her.  As soon as they saw her they started saying, “Emily. Please keep her.  Look how her body’s gone down in the village. Ok, when you go to America you can take her back put please keep her. You saved her life.  If it wasn’t for you she would be dead.”  No pressure.  I told them that I was praying about it.  But my words sounded hollow.  How can I not  take her??? 

Some girls stopped by on their way back from school and they were way more excited to see her than me! :)

I took her back to the village a little while later and when I started driving away she started crying again.  Not the screaming sobbing like the first time, but the sobs of someone who’s confused about why you’re leaving her there……again.

She wasn't all about the picture taking since she wasn't feeling great.....but she tried.  Love her fake smile :)

When I have experiences like that, I start to panic.  Emily. You have to make a decision. NOW!!  The knot comes into my stomach and my mind starts whirring!  Make a decision, Emily. For the love, just decide!!!  But I can’t yet. I just don’t know!!!  So the other day I went through the Bible and wrote down some of the numerous verses describing how God leads his people.  I don’t know if I’ve ever needed His direction more.  I don’t want to screw this one up!  But then I rest in the fact that He doesn’t want me to either.  He’ll tell me. In HIS time, not mine. So I’ll wait.  And he’ll renew my strength.  And I’ll rejoice in Him.  Thank You Lord.